The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
