It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
