if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
