We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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