you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
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St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sorry my hands just texted you
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Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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