did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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