i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize