Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
