non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
