the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Still dying that you shit outside
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize