Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
