You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
