when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
