there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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