why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Everything about him screamed your future.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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