I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
