Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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