Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
