I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
