I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We left an ass print on the piano.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize