She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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