im six kinds of drunk right now
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
