I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
