I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
