I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
