Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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