What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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