Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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