you told grandpa to call you daddy
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
