What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize