is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
