it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
