really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
