i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i think my cat just said my name.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
