I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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