my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
