he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
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He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
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To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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