I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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