I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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