3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Your dad touched me again.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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