I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
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she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
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Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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