I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I have tasted many bathrooms
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
