I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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