It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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