a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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