Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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