Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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