I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
