and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
not ubering you a puppy
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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