Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
