Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
