If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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