where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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