He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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