Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize