if i can run in heels then i can drive
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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