note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I am midnight drunk by noon
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
