it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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