Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
