You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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