I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Blood and glitter go together right?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
