It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
