i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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