Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
