ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
