Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
