She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
