I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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