i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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