we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
