Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
