If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
